I couldn’t tell you the exact moment I decided that, if I have a child, adopting a baby will be my first choice. At 31, I’m not sure if I ever do want kids, but for as long as I can remember, adoption has always been option no. 1. While I’ve never passed judgment on anyone for wanting a biological child, I’ve just never had that urge myself (even though I do think I’d make a cute pregnant lady).
I grew up with several adopted family members, so for me, adoption has always been entirely normal. But as I’ve gotten older and the topic of having children has become (annoyingly) more frequent, I’ve started to realize just how odd and even taboo some consider my choice.
While writing this article, I came across many things that made me roll my eyes, shake my head and, if I’m being honest, feel a little bit hurt. “It sounds a little smug when people say ‘adoption is our first choice,’” wrote one user in an online forum. “It feels to me like they are boasting. [It] sort of makes it seem like you are adopting to ‘save’ a child or do a good deed.”
To that, I say: On any given day, there are more than 400,000 children in the U.S. who are stuck in a very broken foster care system, and an estimated 15 million kids worldwide who have lost both of their parents. So what if I want to “save” one of these children by bringing them into a good home? I guess that makes me a terrible person.
I also came across numerous comments claiming that those who opt for adoption first are “ungrateful” and “insensitive” — that there are many people who want biological children and can’t, so adoption should be reserved for those who “need” it. This really got under my skin.
Why should adoption be reserved for one set of people when there are already far too many kids waiting for loving homes? If more people accepted adoption as a first choice, there would be far fewer of these children.
Second, this notion implies that those who struggle to conceive are somehow more deserving of children than those who don’t. I do believe there are people in this world who are more fit to be parents than others, but none of these reasons have anything to do with fertility. So long as you are loving, responsible, committed and have the resources to appropriately care for a child, you’re no less deserving than anyone else.
Lastly and most importantly, the belief that adoption should only be a second choice for those who can’t conceive implies that adoption is second best and, therefore, that adopted children are second best. No child, biological or not, should ever be viewed as second.
I can’t speak for everyone who chooses adoption first, but I’d like to think they’d agree with me. Beyond that, we each have our own personal reasons for making that decision. Here are three of mine.
